


Never Let Me Go

by asiriusproblem



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Universe, Eventual Jily - Freeform, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Freeform, Humor, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, jily, slowburn, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-08-04 07:44:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16342667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asiriusproblem/pseuds/asiriusproblem
Summary: The boy hadn’t yet closed the heavy curtains surrounding his bed; Instead, his eyes were locked on the moon, hanging high and bright in the night sky. It was nearly full and if it could speak, Remus imagined it would be taunting him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The boy hadn’t yet closed the heavy curtains surrounding his bed; Instead, his eyes were locked on the moon, hanging high and bright in the night sky. It was nearly full and if it could speak, Remus imagined it would be taunting him.

The year was 1971 and Remus Lupin was anxious as he and his parents arrived at Platform 9 ¾. He could feel his body shivering from the nerves and didn’t dare leave his mother’s side for even a second. There was a plethora of students and parents alike surrounding him and Remus couldn’t help but feel like they were judging him as he walked among them- as if they  _ knew _ . 

That would be impossible, of course. Very few knew about his condition. Only he, his parents, and a selective portion of the staff at Hogwarts truly knew anything about him. His peers just saw a little boy with a few too many scars attending his first year of education. The previous months had been hard on the Lupin family. They were lucky he could go to the school at all, given the circumstances and the three of them owed Albus Dumbledore more than they had to offer.

Remus tried not to get too overwhelmed as time ticked closer to his departure. It was 10:45 AM and families were starting to say their goodbyes. Taking a deep breath, he turned to his parents who were already looking at him with worried expressions.

The boy tried a small smile. “I’ll be alright, you know.” He reassured. His mother had tears in her eyes that were threatening to spill and his father ruffled his hair. 

They both hugged him tighter than they ever have and he embraced the affection as it was being given; his heart was pounding so hard he could hear it in his ears. Tears finally began to roll down his mother’s cheeks in heavy droplets and she caressed his face as if she never would again. 

~

 

By the time Remus got on the train, the compartments were already full and his steps were tentative as he walked down the aisle. Everyone had their own groups and probably wouldn’t want him interfering. He became less hopeful of finding a compartment that wasn’t occupied until finally, he reached the last one. It only held one person- a boy, maybe twice the size of Remus himself who sat near the window. His hair was a sandy blonde and was combed to the side and his round face was covered in a light layer of freckles. 

He slid the door open, causing the boy to look up at him. “Er,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “May I sit in here?” 

The blonde nodded. “S-Sure!”

Remus took a seat across from him after putting his bag on the shelf above and stuck out his hand. “Remus Lupin.”

“P-P-Peter Pettigrew,” Peter took it and gave it a gentle shake. In his other hand, he held up a sweet. “Chocolate frog?” he asked. 

“Yes, thank you.” Remus accepted it with a smile.

It had started to rain, the drops trickling along the fogged up windows as the train sped down the tracks. By this time, they had left the station and were surrounded by a thick layer of various shrubs and trees. England woke up that morning to dark clouds hanging heavy with precipitation and a chilled wind. Naturally, Remus got up and ready for the day earlier than needed and sat upon the windowsill in his bedroom, sipping idly at a cup of coffee while watching the sky grow lighter.

The two eased into conversation as the hours passed and shared both stories and sweets. Remus opened up a little more and found that Peter began to stutter less as they bonded over the things they had in common with each other. Sooner than either of them had anticipated, the Hogwarts Express had pulled into Hogsmeade Station.

 

They wound up on a boat with two other first years who were talking animatedly. One of them was a lanky boy with his hair grown out just enough to curl and he wore a smirk as he teased the other. “You’re so whipped, mate! There’s no use denying.”

An agonized groan was heard. “I can't believe she'd choose that slime ball instead of me!” He exclaimed. “I mean, did you see him? He looked so smug.”

Remus and Peter shared a look as the boys carried on and the boat drew closer to the castle ahead. 

 

~

 

The Great Hall was grand- that was Remus’ first impression. Four long tables took up the majority of the space, the floating candles above and the torches lining the walls the only source of illumination. There was a podium at the far end of the room with a fifth table that held what looked to be staff behind it. It was warm compared to the weather outside causing Remus’ skin to prickle, almost as if it was thawing and second years and up were already in their seats.

A woman with greying hair that was pulled up into a bun stood next to a wooden stool in front of them all with a scroll and a hat in hand. She wore a stern expression as she gazed at them all over her glasses. Moments prior, she had introduced herself as Professor McGonagall. “All first years, may I have your attention please,” the awed whispering ceased and she continued. “It is time for you to be sorted. When I call your name, you are to come up and the hat will assign you to a house. There are four possible outcomes: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin.” McGonagall looked down at the scroll, which Remus assumed was a list of students. 

He wondered vaguely which house he would be placed in. Not Slytherin, surely. Maybe Ravenclaw- his parents had always told him that he was quite clever for his age. 

The hall was hushed as the group of first years were slowly divided into their houses.

“Black, Sirius.”

The boy from the boat with the curls strolled up to the stool with a confident bounce in his step and sat down. The hat seemed to be deep in thought, taking longer than it did with the students previously. Finally, it came to a decision. “Gryffindor!” 

There was a silence that Remus didn’t quite understand and it was only broken when the other boy from the boat started clapping, more people following suit after.

“Bones, Amelia.”

“Hufflepuff!”

“Evans, Lily.” A young girl with hair like fire perched upon the stool. She looked just as nervous as Remus felt. 

“Gryffindor!”

“Fortescue, Alice.”

“Gryffindor!”

“Lockhart, Gildroy.”

“Ravenclaw!”

“Longbottom, Frank.”

“Gryffindor!”

“Lupin, Remus.”

His legs felt like jell-o and like they would give out under him and he barely felt Peter give him a comforting pat on the shoulder. The sorting hat was placed atop his unruly hair and it took everything Remus had not to jump in surprise when he heard a silky voice ringing in his head.

_ “I see, I see, what an intelligent mind- clever, as well. You would make a perfect Ravenclaw. But oh, you have a spark of loyalty and while you’re more on the shy side, you’re daring and I’d go as far as to say courageous, too.” _

Then finally, “Gryffindor!”

Remus let a relieved breath fall past his lips. As he took a seat across from Sirius and the students around him roared and cheered, he felt the foreign buzz of acceptance. Sirius gazed at Remus with a curious glint in his eyes and the sorting ceremony was down to the last of the first years. 

“Macdonald, Mary.”

“Gryffindor!”

“McKinnon, Marleen.”

“Gryffindor!”

“Meadowes, Dorcas.”

“Gryffindor!”

“Pettigrew, Peter.”

Five minutes later, the hat announced loudly: “Gryffindor!”

“Potter, James.” It was the boy who had cheered for Sirius when he was sorted. He wore thick rimmed glasses and with a confidence alike Sirius’ when his name was called, James strode up to the stool, running a hand through his already messy hair.

The hat barely touched his head before it exclaimed: “Gryffindor!”

James joined them with a broad grin.

“Rosier, Evan.”

“Slytherin!”

“Snape, Severus.”

“Slytherin!”

 

~

 

Albus Dumbledore stepped up to the podium. He was an older man, hair silver and draping down his back. Not only did his hair go far past his shoulders, but he had a beard to match. Albus wore sky blue robes and a pair of half-moon spectacles were positioned upon his crooked nose. 

Remus had only met Dumbledore once in his life and when the man stood in front of them all he had the same content smile on his face as he did when he had shown up at the Lupin’s doorstep.

_ It was a week or two before term started and Hope and Lyall Lupin were beginning to think they’d have to school Remus at home. They never lived in one place too long; neighbors and friends became curious when the small boy would often grow ill and the family was determined to keep people from figuring out Remus’ condition both for his safety and their own. _

_ However, they couldn’t fool Dumbledore. He found them with little effort just outside of London in a quiet, small town. They were surprised to see him and attempted to conceal the truth but he explained that there was no need- he already knew what Fenrir Greyback had done to their son and offered to help.  _

_ It took five minutes until Dumbledore was sitting in one of the Lupin’s plush armchairs with a cup of tea. A platter of crumpets sat on the coffee table, the fireplace spread a comforting heat throughout the home, and Remus had convinced him to play a round of Gobstones. The elder spoke to Hope and Lyall about Remus’ situation. His voice was gentle and held no sign of judgement at all. “I see absolutely no reason that this boy cannot attend Hogwarts.”  _

_ To that, Lyall sighed and shook his head. “Why are you doing this for us, Albus? Anyone in their right mind wouldn’t.” _

_ Dumbledore only smiled. “I don’t believe it would be wise to keep him here, and you know it. You can only run so much before the past catches up with you,” he paused as if thinking about his next words. “There is a safe place for him to go- a house in Hogsmeade. Of course it is guarded by a variety of spells and no one will even notice he’s there. An underground passage from the Hogwarts campus is a simple way to get to it and doing so would give him somewhere to transform in peace.” _

_ The couple sat silently, pondering over the option that was being given.  _

_ “What about his classes? Surely he’ll miss some.” Hope finally asked. _

_ Dumbledore nodded. “Indeed. I have a solution to that as well. There are members of my staff who will be informed about the arrangement.” Remus’ parents cast him a worried look and he was quick to assure them. “I hope you have trust in me enough to believe me when I say that your son will be perfectly safe. The only ones to know would be his teachers, head of house, and Hogwarts’ very own healer, Madam Pomfrey and they are to swear an oath that the secret will remain unsaid to anyone else.” _

_ This seemed to put them at ease and Dumbledore stood. “Please take the offer into consideration,” he reached into the breast pocket of the robes he sported and pulled out a letter addressed to Remus. He handed it to the boy with a twinkle in his eyes. “I must be off, then. Other things to be done, more places to be. I hope to see you very soon, Remus. I think you would be a wonderful addition to my school and a brilliant student.” _

_ He waved to the family and disapparated. _

 

The man cleared his throat loudly and the hall went silent. “Welcome, welcome, to another year at Hogwarts. Before we delve into the delicious feast that has been prepared for us tonight, I have a few announcements. 

“To start us off, first years, I am deeply thrilled that you’re able to join us and I hope you find that the other members of your house will become like family to you,” Remus caught his eye as he casted a glance towards the Gryffindor table. “Our very own caretaker, Mr. Filch, would also like me to remind you that the Forbidden Forest is off limits to all students and we strongly request that you don’t allow your curiosity to get the better of you. I myself would like to suggest not going near the willow tree that has been planted on the grounds this past summer, for it has a naturally violent behavior.” Dumbledore clapped his hands together, grinning at the students before him. “Right then. Enjoy the feast, then off to bed with you.”

The tables before them were suddenly covered in various foods and beverages and Remus felt his mouth begin to water. He happily tucked into the meal with the rest of the students.

~

After a satisfying dessert, a Gryffindor prefect showed them through the castle to their house and through the portrait hole and once making sure they all knew the password to get in, they were sent off to their dorms. Remus ended up with Peter, Sirius, James, and Frank and none of them really talked as they got settled. Peter and Remus are the only ones who even bothered unpacking any of their belongings, talking quietly amongst each other; the other three boys merely changed into their night clothes and crawled into their beds, drawing their curtains.

Eventually, Peter and Remus retired for the night as well except Remus found himself unable to sleep and listened to the quiet snores and steady breathing that flooded the room. The boy hadn’t yet closed the heavy curtains surrounding his bed; Instead, his eyes were locked on the moon, hanging high and bright in the night sky. It was nearly full and if it could speak, Remus imagined it would be taunting him. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The four of them were anything but separable for the rest of the evening. As more students began to trickle into the common room, they had already gotten comfortable and were playing a round of Exploding Snap. Rain was falling down on the windows and the fire made Remus’ sweater almost too warm but he was too content to care and simply rolled the sleeves up to his elbows."

The next morning at breakfast, the Great Hall was full of excited chatter as they ate. Remus sat quietly and was reading over his schedule while nibbling on a piece of bacon; Peter was beside him, his plate stocked with a pile of savories and pastries and his goblet full of Pumpkin Juice.

Across the table from them, James wore a smirk as he leaned closer towards the redhead perched next to him. “Alright, Evans?”

The girl- Lily Evans- jumped and tore her gaze away from the untouched food in front of her. “Of course I am, Potter,” She huffed and tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

James shrugged, then sent a pointed look towards the Slytherin table opposite them. “Looks like Snivellus over there isn’t too happy- though if you ask me, he hasn’t got a thing to worry about. I think he’s right where he belongs.”

Sirius- who had been curiously silent since they woke up- snorted and Lily’s eyes narrowed. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“You’d better tread carefully, mate.” Sirius warned James.

Before he could reply, owls arrived with the mail. Remus recognized his father’s owl as it dropped a small parcel into his lap and with a smile, he fed the dark-feathered bird a small piece of food from his mostly empty plate. It hooted appreciatively before retreating back home.

Upon opening the parcel, Remus found a letter congratulating him on being sorted into Gryffindor along with a selection of chocolate sweets. He wasn't the only student to receive something from home. The majority of the students in the hall tore into their mail excitedly, including James and Peter.

Except for Sirius, who got nothing and watched with an unreadable expression. No one seemed to notice other than Remus and he tried not to look too pitying when he handed the boy a piece of chocolate. He earned a grateful smile in return, the corners of Sirius’ lips quirking up just a little. 

 

~

 

“Merlin, I’m beat!” James exclaimed as he approached the portrait hole.

The Fat Lady gazed at them all expectantly. “Password?”

“Pepper Imps,” The door swung open and James continued with what he was saying beforehand. “Professor Binns can really drone on, can’t he?” He climbed through the portrait hole with Sirius, Peter, and Remus following suit. 

The three of them couldn't agree more.

Sirius fell onto the couch in front of the fireplace in the common room, throwing his bag down with a heavy sigh. “Not that History of Magic could be too entertaining to begin with,” he cleared his throat, voice wheezy, monotone, and purposefully an octave lower than usual as he slouched down. 

Sirius feigned high praise to the Goblin Wars that Professor Binns brought up continuously and Remus tried and failed to stifle a giggle. “What is his obsession with goblins anyway? They're wicked little buggers.”

Remus smirked. “Maybe he's got a thing for them.”

It was the first time he had said anything in reply to Sirius' antics and it threw the other three boys into a fit of laughter. James was clutching his sides and Peter was practically rolling on the floor and the feeling that washed over Remus was unfamiliar but his cheeks flushed with joy nevertheless. 

The four of them were anything but separable for the rest of the evening. As more students began to trickle into the common room, they had already gotten comfortable and were playing a round of Exploding Snap. Rain was falling down on the windows and the fire made Remus’ sweater almost too warm but he was too content to care and simply rolled the sleeves up to his elbows. 

 

~

 

On the following Sunday James, Sirius, and Peter woke to a lack of Remus. Peter noticed almost immediately after dragging himself out of his four poster bed and he shook James’ shoulder to wake him up.

The boy barely moved but opened his eyes just enough to see Peter. “What, Pete, did you wet the bed or somethin’?” His voice was groggy and slightly muffled by his pillow.

“No, James,” Peter rolled his eyes. “Remus is gone.” 

James’ eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he lifted his head, squinting up at him. “What do you mean ‘Remus is gone’? Maybe he just went to breakfast.”

By this time Sirius was sitting up in his bed as well, their conversation dragging him out of whatever dream he was immersed in. Something didn’t sit right in Peter’s stomach; he knew that James did have a fair point. But that didn’t stop his worrying. “He usually waits for us though, doesn’t he? It’s not like him to just leave.”

“Peter,” Sirius chuckled as he brushed his messy curls out of his eyes with his fingers. “We’ve only known him a few days. Maybe he  _ is  _ just at breakfast.”

And so, Peter dropped it.

 

James and Sirius grew concerned with him when they entered the Great Hall and found no sight of their friend. Remus’ absence felt very odd- it wasn’t like he was the talkative one of their little group. But plagued with uneasiness, they found it difficult to say anything that wasn’t ‘can you pass the Pumpkin Juice?’ or 'can I get your notes from Potions?'

Later that day, they tentatively approached their head of house. "Erm... Professor?"

The woman turned, looking down at Sirius with raised eyebrows. "What can I do for you, Mr. Black?"

James and Peter stood behind him and he gestured to them. "We were only wondering if you know where Remus is? We haven't seen him all morning."

McGonagall pushed up her spectacles. "Well, not that is anything that you three should worry about, but his mother has fallen ill and he's at home helping his father."

"Excuse me, Professor, but he seemed alright last night, if not a little on edge." James claimed incredulously.

McGonagall rested her hands upon her hips and fixed them with a stern look. "I can assure you he won't be gone long, so don't fret. Why don't you three go outside? It's quite a nice day and shouldn't be wasted."

They nodded, leaving her office with heavy frowns.

~

 

The dorm room was quiet- the only noise being Peter’s heavy snores and Sirius laid awake while James, Frank, and Peter slept, his mind racing miles a minute. He was thinking about whatever came to mind as he gazed out at the moon and the stars. He admired them; they were so free- so stunning. Without a care in the world.

 

The sound of a door opening and closing disrupted Sirius’ train of thought. He heard shuffling and then the creak of a mattress to his left.  _ Remus _ . It couldn’t have been anyone else- the boy had been gone two hole days. Sirius pulled back the curtains of his bed just enough to see the room- as much as the dark would allow at least. “Remus?” There was no response and for a moment Sirius thought the boy had fallen asleep or wasn’t even there at all.

“Sirius?”

The voice was tight, strained as though it took great effort to speak. Sirius shoved the heavy layer of blankets off of his body and stood, careful to make as little noise as possible, and walked over to Remus’ bed. He sat down at the end of it like he used to do with his little brother and ignored the ache in his chest. He could see the boy better now, not just a silhouette. 

“Hello, Sirius,” Remus sent Sirius a smile but it looked forced. “I didn’t wake you, did I?” Guilt washed over his face like a wave.

Sirius shook his head quickly. “No, no, of course not! I couldn’t sleep is all.”

Remus tilted his head. “Are you… alright?”

“I think so,” Sirius couldn’t remember ever being asked that question before. “Just have some things on my mind,” silence hung between them until Sirius broke it. “What about you? How was your mum?”

Remus was puzzled but he caught himself. “O-Oh! Yeah it was good- she was good.”

Not wanting to make Remus feel like this was some kind of interrogation, Sirius didn’t press further. “That’s great,” he observed as Remus played with the hem of his blanket, the air suddenly feeling awkward. “Well, I’ll just uh… get out of your hair and let you sleep.”

“Yes, thank you. I’m exhausted.” This smile was more genuine and Sirius couldn’t help but to do the same in return. 

He stood up and brushed the hair out of his eyes before getting back into his own bed. He had just gotten under his covers and was pulling his curtain shut when Remus spoke one last time. 

“Goodnight, Sirius.” It was muttered so softly, Sirius could hardly hear it. But he laid his head down on his pillow and let his eyes fall closed. 

“Goodnight, Remus.”


End file.
